Road trip: part 2 was filled with a few less emotions and a little more joy. Joy because Kevin and I were together, driving one car in front of the other, finally leaving Altus, Oklahoma. We drove for a total of 3 days and spent 1 day sight seeing in Colorado Springs. Part 2 included Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico, Colorado, Wyoming, Montana, Idaho, and finally…Washington! There were many podcasts, audiobooks, snacks, songs, phone calls, walkie talkie chats, gas station stops...and Catsby Gatsby even got the hang of car rides and hotel stays. On our sight seeing day, we got to visit the Garden of the Gods, the Air Force Academy, and Pike’s Peak. It was a long day, but well worth it! I was pretty amazed at the quick glance into Kevin’s years at the Academy AND at the fact that I was sweating all day but later saw snow on the mountain – here’s a look… Fast forward to driving into Spokane for the first time. I remember driving slow. Slow because I was looking around and taking in my new city. But also slow because I was actually nervous to finally see our house and to let it all sink in that THIS was going to be home. Again, no turning back. I finally met our realtor in person, as he turned over the keys to us in our front yard. We met some neighbors, toured the house, snapped a photo, and then we were alone. We were here. And this is where bravery comes in. I’ve always thought of bravery as skydiving and public speaking, going on big adventures, being bold, singing karaoke, doing something daring, being strong, physically. All things I do not enjoy. However, I do enjoy all things safe, planned, all things that are not loud or bold or put me as the center of attention. And I certainly do not [or did not] see myself as being a brave person. But moving across the country and living out of vulnerability has changed my definition of bravery.
Brav-er-y: the quality or state of having or showing mental or moral strength to face danger, fear, or difficulty: the quality or state of being brave: courage [Merriam-Webster] Looking at bravery as the ability to face difficulty both physically and mentally has challenged and changed me in these past weeks. Instead of focusing on the things that have gone wrong, the things that have not been checked off the long to-do list, the things that are stressful or not fair…I’ve started to look at the positive, brave things that I have done. The things that would normally scare me, the things I would normally avoid. Being in a new city, knowing no one, living in a pretty much empty house [with no furniture or belongings for about another month...because military life], and spending a great deal of time alone has forced me to put myself out there and be brave. It has forced me to talk to my neighbors, to make phone calls and run errands that I may normally avoid, delay, or put off on someone else. To research and find new everything: new doctors, a new dentist, new grocery stores, new restaurants, new DMV, new vet clinic, new everything. To navigate new roads, getting lost or making wrong turns and getting yelled at through nearby car windows. To keep a smile and to keep going anyways. To learn from my mistakes, and to ask lots of questions. It’s uncomfortable, it’s different, it’s all new, but I’m learning to be brave. I’m learning that bravery takes many shapes and forms and that you can’t do it alone. I couldn’t do any of it without His guidance, His push, whispering to me that “I can” when I think I definitely can't. And I couldn’t do it alone without the daily kind and encouraging words from Kevin and my parents. And even with help, it’s not always easy. On nights like last night, I was completely stressed out, over it, and exhausted, sleep deprived [ask me how hard it is to be a puppy mom]. I was driving home from Target, on the edge of breaking down, and the radio quietly played “sweet home Alabama.” And I felt comfort. And I was reminded that I’m brave. Maybe this is what I needed to be brave. Maybe this was always the plan. To be put in a new city, a new home, in a new marriage, to have a new puppy, to have to make new friends, and to experience new things in a new way. My mind wants to tell me to be anxious, to be scared, to be homesick and to feel alone. But somehow my heart keeps saying, “you’re brave and it’s okay.”
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